The Sexy Power of Your Scent

We surveyed thousands of guys on how they're affected by a girl's fragrance. The results blew us away: Your scent can make a guy lust after you and long for you.

You know that when you're sporting a snug, cleavage-enhancing top or a pair of low-rise jeans, guys are guaranteed to take note...if not drool, pant and babble. But you probably never realized that the way you smell can actually have just as much -- if not more -- of a knock-his-socks-off impact. Sure, you've sensed that guys love fragrance, but how much so has never been fully measured...until now. According to the more than 4,000 hot-blooded hombres who responded to a poll we conducted on the Men's Health Website (and the scientists we consulted about the results), a woman's fragrance not only matters, but it also wields tremendous power over the opposite sex. To find out exactly what these powers are and how to harness them to enhance your own man-entrancing abilities, keep reading.

One Whiff Can Hook a Hunk

When asked if they thought a woman's fragrance could boost her overall attractiveness, a whopping 89 percent of the respondents said yes. And 60 percent actually said that at one time in their past, a woman's scent was the main reason that they wanted to meet her. One explanation for this crazy phenomenon: Studies have shown that smelling a fine fragrance can improve a man's mood and make him more eager to socialize, says Jeannette Haviland-Jones, Ph.D., professor of psychology and director of the Human Development Lab at Rutgers University, in New Brunswick, New Jersey. In other words, your luscious scent can make your lad much more likely to stay at your side and get to know you better. Avery Gilbert, Ph.D., president of the Sense of Smell Institute, has another reasoning: "If a guy's brain gets lost in the sensual experience of smelling you for the first time, then he's not assessing your physical traits as critically."

Perfume Power Play: How to make a perfectly fragrant first impression? For starters, only people within a one-foot radius of your body should be able to smell you. "If anyone can smell you outside that invisible circle, you're overly scented," says Gilbert. Go light on the juice -- one spritz or a couple of dabs should be enough. Another tactic is to perfume your hair lightly, suggests Mark Knitowski, vice president of product development for Victoria's Secret Beauty. Then, when you're cruising by the object of your affection, subtly tousle your tresses (a seductive move in and of itself) to release a dose of scent.

Your Aroma Can Arouse Him

If you've ever doubted that your fragrance alone could actually get a man in the mattress-mambo mood, consider this: Fifty-five percent of our randy poll respondents said they've wanted to go to bed with a woman just because they found her scent to be a major turn-on. "If a woman is wearing a sensual, feminine scent that has some erotic oomph to it, men subconsciously tend to perceive receptivity on her part -- as though she has ramped up her scent for a sexual encounter, which is very attractive," says Gilbert. In short, guys know it takes two to tango -- and if your fragrance seems to suggest you'd be a willing partner, they're all the more likely to want you.

Perfume Power Play: So what kind of sensual scent should you be spritzing on yourself to ignite a nookyfest? While heady, spicy oriental-inspired notes are always a safe bet, you don't have to limit yourself to only that category. "Potent florals -- such as those containing ylang-ylang -- are effective too," says Gilbert. In fact, since most modern scents are based on flowers, you can pick from a wide range of fragrance types, as long as your selection exudes the aforementioned oomph. ("There is no scientific way to quantify 'oomph,'" notes Gilbert. "You just have to use your judgment and stay away from light florals and overly sporty scents.") And you're in luck, because this fall, there's a large selection of brand-new sexy fragrances to choose from.

Your Lingering Perfume Will Make Him Miss You

"Scent can powerfully enhance emotional attachments," says Theresa White, Ph.D., assistant research professor in the department of neuroscience and physiology at SUNY Upstate Medical University, in Syracuse, New York. "This happens by way of classical conditioning: If you start to associate a scent with someone, smelling it from then on will call that person to mind and evoke the feelings you have for him or her." That explains why 69 percent of the guys surveyed say that thoughts of an old flame pop into their noggins when they get a whiff of the perfume she wore when they were dating. Even more impressive is the fact that 85 percent said that when a girlfriend leaves behind a lingering trail of scent (like on an article of clothing or pillow, for instance), it conjures up strong feelings about the sexual relationship he shares with her.

Perfume Power Play: There are so many ways to leave tantalizing traces of your scent around: Spritz a naughty-but-nice note and leave it under his pillow, for example. Or you could always "forget" a scented scarf in his car. There's also this trick from Knitowski: When hand-washing your lingerie, spray it with a bit of your fragrance as it dries. Then any nightie, cami or whatever else you wear to bed will transfer just the right hint of scent to his sheets. Note: To make this advice work for you, don't be a scent slut -- stick to just one or two signature fragrances when you're with him so he'll associate them only with you.

Scent Can Make Sex Even Steamier

Though it may seem hard to imagine, even the best sex you've ever had can be made hotter if you add a delicious scent to the mix. Fifty-eight percent of the men we polled said that the alluring perfume of a partner has indeed made their lovemaking moments more erotic. "Scent adds another sensory dimension to the sexual experience, which can heighten sexual abandon and help you become totally lost in your partner," says Gilbert.

Perfume Power Play: Simply spritzing on some scent before sex will spice things up, but if you want your romp to rank among the greatest of all time, take advantage of what White calls "the high level of integration between sensory systems." She explains: "When you experience something, it's never through only one sense -- and the more senses you play to (like touch, sight, taste and sound in addition to smell), the more heightened the overall sensation will be. In fact, lots of studies suggest that when an experience is strongly perceived through multiple sensory systems, you remember it better." If you want to work his senses to the hilt and create the right ambience to have some of the most memorable sex ever, stock up on sensory multitaskers: candles that give off a seductive scent and a romantic glow or a body oil that makes your birthday suit smell and feel amazing.


This article is from Cosmopolitan.com.


by 旭日の革

The 7 Steps to Happily Ever After

What makes love last a lifetime? Affection? Yep. Respect? Sure. But a great marriage is not just about what you have. It's about what you do to make a relationship stronger, safer, more caring and committed. Here's how to make your "forever" fantastic.

Marriage is a home, a refuge against the outside storms. And like any house, it requires a strong, lasting foundation. To build one, every couple needs to take certain steps — seven, to be precise — that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again). But if you make it through them all, you'll be well on your way toward creating a marriage that will be your shelter as long as you both shall live.

Step 1: Find a shared dream for your life together.

It's easy to get caught up in the small stuff of married life: What's for dinner tonight? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they're working together to achieve the same big dreams. "Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of 'us,' of being coupled," says REDBOOK Love Network expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. "They have a shared vision, saying things like, 'We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.'"

This kind of dream-sharing starts early. "Couples love to tell the story of how they met," points out Julie Holland, M.D., a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "It's like telling a fairy tale. But happy couples will go on creating folklore and history, with the meet-cute forming the bedrock of the narrative." As you write and rewrite your love story ("our hardest challenge was X, our dream for retirement is Y"), you continually remind yourselves and each other that you're a team with shared values and goals. And P.S.: When you share a dream, you're a heck of a lot more likely to make that dream come true.

Step 2: Ignite (and reignite) a sexual connection.

In any good relationship, sex is way more than just a physical act. It's crucial for the health of your emotional connection, too: It's something only the two of you share; it makes you both feel warm and loved; it draws you back together when you're drifting apart. And did I mention that it's a whole lot of fun?

Striking up those sparks when you first meet is easy. Nurturing a strong, steady flame? That's the hard part. When you've got a mortgage, a potbelly, and a decade or two of togetherness under your belts, it can be hard to muster up the fire you felt when you first got together. That's when it's even more important to protect your sex life and make it a priority. "You have to keep working to create allure and seduction for each other or your sex life will become lackluster," Greer points out. "Who wants the same turkey sandwich over and over? You want it on whole wheat! On toast! As turkey salad! On a roll!" (And now I will imagine my husband covered with Russian dressing. Thanks, Dr. Greer.)

As the years go by, you'll keep revisiting and realigning and reimagining the passion you have for each other. And if you keep at it, you'll have a sex life that transcends your marriage's lack of newness, the stresses of family and work, the physical changes that come with aging. Now that's something worth holding on to.

Step 3: Choose each other as your first family.

For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife are the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it's also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or...).

For me, making this transition meant stopping the incessant bitching to my mom when I was mad at my husband — my behavior was disloyal, and I had to learn to talk to Jonathan, not about him. My friend Lynn tells the story of her mother's reaction to a trip to the Middle East she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) had planned. Her mother hit the roof, calling incessantly to urge Lynn not to go. Eventually, Lynn's boyfriend got on the phone with Mom and explained why they were excited to share this experience. "It was clear then that we were the team," Lynn says now. "Not teaming up against my mother, but teaming up together to deal with her issues."

Whatever your challenges — an overprotective mom? an overly critical father-in-law? — you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.

Step 4: Learn how to fight right.

I'm embarrassed to think of how I coped with conflict early in my relationship with Jonathan. I stormed out — a lot. I once threw an apple at his head. Hard. (Don't worry, I missed — on purpose.) I had a terrible habit of threatening divorce at the slightest provocation. But eventually I figured that this was pretty moronic. I didn't want out, and I knew that pelting someone with fruit was not a long-term marital strategy.

"Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with," says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of After the Fight. That's because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.

Fighting right doesn't just mean not throwing produce; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other's perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile — often with humor. "Whenever one of us wants the other to listen up, we mime hitting the TV remote, a thumb pressing down on an invisible mute button," says Nancy, 52, an event producer in San Francisco. "It cracks us up, in part because it must look insane to others." Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive — with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person — the storm blows away fast, and that's what matters.

Step 5: Find a balance between time for two and time for you.

Jonathan and I both work at home. This frequently leads to murderous impulses. Though I'm typing away in the bedroom and he's talking to his consulting clients in our small home office, most days it really feels like too much intimacy for me.

But that's my bias. When it comes to togetherness, every couple has its own unique sweet spot. "There are couples that are never apart and there are couples that see each other only on weekends," Greer says. With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship — not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread.

Your togetherness needs will also change over time, so you'll have to shift your balance accordingly. "My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but it's almost all family time," says Katie, 40, a mom of two in San Leandro, CA. "We realized a few months ago that we hadn't had a conversation that didn't involve the kids or our to-do lists in ages, so we committed to a weekly date. We were so happy just to go to the movies and hold hands, something we hadn't done in ages. It felt like we were dating again!"

Step 6: Build a best friendship.

Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don't those sound like good things to have in your marriage, too?

"Happy couples are each other's haven," says Holland. "They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs." Greer adds, "When you're true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don't try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you're together — you know you're valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner."

Then there's the way, when you've been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes. Your guy knows what you'll find funny, you forward him links to articles you know he'll enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths. And is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone? Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? Ahh....

Step 7: Face down a major challenge together.

You're sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness. Unemployment. The loss of a home. A death in the family. How do you cope?

The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it's tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.

"What didn't happen to us?" says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. "My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane."

Hey, marriage is no roll in the hay. It's tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build — decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter — will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.


This article is written By Marjorie Ingall.


by 旭日の革

How I Want To Be Kissed ?

I’ve had my fair share of kisses over the years. Some, I admit, were horrible, and included things like braces, corn-chip breath, and games of tonsil hockey. But there have been some pretty sweep-me-off-my-feet kisses too, like: kissing under a sky illuminated with fireworks, a grown-up-game of spin-the-bottle (please land on green eyes—yes!), and scandalous kisses that never should have happened but felt so good. It’s no wonder, of course, that my girlfriends and I want more of the latter than the former. So listen up, guys, for some advice. Here, eight women kiss and tell…

Make sure she’s willing
“First off, does the date merit a kiss? Am I engaged in conversation with you? Am I smiling? If things seem like a go, a first kiss should be very soft. Please, no tongue! Just kiss my lips with yours. Nip at my bottom lip—just slightly tug it. Don’t be like my last first date, who licked my teeth and got my hair caught in his college ring (come to think of it—never wear a college ring on a date).”
—Alexis Derano, editorial assistant

Brush up
“I think hygiene is key. Before you attempt to kiss me ask yourself: Does your breath smell like pepperoni pizza? I don’t care if we just dined in garlic heaven—a pack of gum or tin of Altoids cost around a buck. Both fit in your pocket. Puh-lease, have fresh breath. I keep Tic-Tacs on me at all times (hint, hint)! If we go back to your place to cuddle and watch a DVD, there is nothing sexier than a guy that excuses himself to the bathroom and emerges smelling like Crest. I once kissed a guy that tasted like tuna fish. We did not go on another date.”
—Donna Tice, accessories buyer

Ration the love
“A little goes a long way, boys! A little lip, a little tongue, a little caressing of my cheekbone. For starters, give me a quick, sexy sweep. Then retreat—do not shove your tongue into my mouth. What I want now are your lips. I want long, solid smooches. Next, pull away and hold the back of my head in your palm. Look into my eyes. I’ll reciprocate—trust me.”
—Kristina Katsulous, account executive

Sneak a peck
“When just getting to know a guy, I like it when he goes in but doesn’t make it to my lips and rather dots my cheek and lip with a long, sweet, I-know-I-like-you peck. Then he pulls away and I likely blush, which is a good sign. On our next formal date, I expect full lip-on-lip contact.”
—Tina Jackson, student

Kiss me in the theater
“Take me to the movies and kiss me (just sweet pecks) at really touching moments, like when the main guy and gal realize they’re meant to be or the puppy gets saved from a burning building. It shows me you’re sensitive and totally tuned into my girly feelings. I’ll kiss you when your team scores a basket—promise.”
—Rachelle King, sales associate

Watch the hands
“Do not take my hands and put them in inappropriate places on your body while we are sharing a kiss. If I like you, my hands will be caressing your brow or tucked under your collar. And I love it if your hands are resting on my hips, holding the back of my head, sweeping my cheek with a soft, open palm, or holding my hands (personal favorite). It ruins a kiss if you take your hands and go rushing to different places. If I like you… we’ll get there.
—Willow Roberts, photographer

Sweep her off her feet—literally
“This is a little cheesy, but I love Hollywood kisses. Completely, over-the-top, theatrical kisses. Hold me, dip me, kiss me. It shows me you love to have fun (like me), and it’s so romantic. Hollywood kisses are also a great distraction from petty arguments, by the way.”
—Laura Gowzen, personal trainer

Just do it!
“My best advice is so simple: Go for it. If you get that urge, and I don’t seem that into it, who cares? Maybe I’m just zoned out for some reason, or maybe I am into you and you just aren’t picking up on my very subtle vibes. I’ve been sneak-attacked a lot with a kiss, and nine times out of ten, it turns me on!”
—Jaz Valte, publicist


This article is written By Christine M. Coppa.


by 旭日の革

How To Be A Better Kisser ?

As with driving, cooking, and cage fighting, kissing is a skill that requires practice. Most women like to think they’ve come a long way since locking braces with their high-school sweetheart. And they have! But still, there’s plenty more they could learn. Follow along with some tales of woe, and some tales of whoa, and take notes on the dos and don’ts of kissing a man.

Lean to the right
“Lean to the right. I thought that was common knowledge, but I’ve been with at least three girls who went left when we went in for a kiss. It was adorably awkward, I guess, but I would’ve much rather avoided the conspicuous bruise that showed up on my forehead. I had to explain that it wasn’t a hickey, but a battle wound caused by make-out misdirection. To any woman who reads this, remember, go right.”
—Sam, cameraman

Take charge

“Don’t be afraid to take the lead. I was at a bar on New Year’s Eve and, when the ball dropped, some of my female friends and I exchanged quick smooches. Then I locked eyes with a cute friend of a friend, who I’d never really met before. The mood took over, and we started to kiss. Next thing I knew, my back was against the bar and we were deeply making out. Her kissing style wasn’t overly aggressive, just firm, confident, and sexy. She took charge, and I was powerless to resist.” —Steve, writer

Close your eyes
“I had one girlfriend who, for some reason, always kept her eyes open when we kissed. I’d get this strange feeling that I was being watched while we made out, only to open my eyes briefly to find her staring back at me. Not only was it disconcerting as hell, but it made me self-conscious. Was she picking apart my moves? Did I make some kind of funny face I wasn’t aware of? I’d be completely thrown for the rest of the night.”
—Jon, editor

Get your hands in on the action
“Run them through my hair, or, if you really want to get me going, stroke my neck. Yeah, it’s a bit effeminate of me, but it makes me feel as if she’s enjoying it so much that she can’t control herself. Just lip-to-lip contact is the missionary position of making out.”
—Timothy, writer

Pause before you pucker
“A well-timed pause can really add to a passionate kiss. I love it when a girl leans in but doesn’t lock lips right away. She’ll go right to the point where we’re about to close our eyes, and then smirk or giggle or do something that lets me know she wants to savor the moment. And so do I.”
—Chris, certified financial planner

Chuck the gum
“Is it really too much to ask that you not chew gum when we kiss? It’s funny in the movies when a girl kisses a guy and he magically ends up with her gum in his mouth, but real life is a different story. I’m all for a little tongue-on-tongue action but, please, ditch the Trident before we get there.”
—Chandler, club promoter

No brushstrokes
“I went on a semi-blind date and the conversation was natural, we both laughed a lot, and I think we both knew the date was going to end with a first kiss. Unfortunately, her technique can best be described as ‘lip painting.’ She literally painted my lips with her tongue, in a circular motion. I recoiled as politely as I could, and retreated to some pecks. Then I escaped in a cab and never called her back.”
—John, radio host

This article is written By Matt Christensen.

by 旭日の革

打破“自我”“執著”的羁绊

“我”这一个字看似很平凡, 但一点都不间单. 想想如下… “我的想法最有道理”, “我的话是对的”, “我做的事最为正确”, 因此, 别人应该跟着“我”. “我懂得较多”, “我最了解”, “我在现场, 我亲眼看到, 我亲耳听到”, 因此, “我”肯定不会错. “我与他的性格不同”, “我与他的想法也不同”, “我跟他谈不来”, “我跟他很难配合”, 因此, “我”无法与对方合作.

这些都是过于執著于“我”的例子. 结果, 无法体现”无我”, “大我”的精神,也因而失去了”慈悲”的心, “平等”的心, 接着就产生了”分别”的心. 比如年龄, 性别, 学历, 职业, 职位, 权力等的差别, 最终变得难以了解对方的立场, 难以理解对方的感受, 更不用说为对方设想. 人与人之间的争执由此而来, 各种各样的烦恼也因而产生了.

人一旦執著于“我”, 智慧就会被阻塞, 思维变得狭隘和封闭. 为了“我”这个面子, 变得短视, 偏见和独断, 难以接受别人的意见. 为争“我”的一口气, 变得一意孤行,失去理智, 不顾他人的感受, 生命被“恶”所支配, 对事物和问题的处理也就形成恶的循环了.

“别人要讲, 让他讲”这句话看似平庸间单, 却蕴含做人处世的大学问. 让别人有充分的机会讲话, 聆听对方的意见, 是了解对方内心世界与立场的最佳方法, 然而, 自我的人就难以做到这一点. 这是基本的礼仪, 即使是激烈的言词, 也可心平气和地聆听, 让对方有机会倾诉心里话, 这不仅反映本身具有自信, 也表现个人所拥有的宽大胸襟与雅量.

面对眼前的大时代, 必须深透了解组织里的人的心声, 见解, 才能集思广益, 取长补短, 并迎合时代, 为组织找出新的方向. 假如坚持己见, 无法容纳别人, 那组织里必产生争执, 不能和蔼与安定.

对于年轻与年长者之间的关系也是一样, 年长者应关怀年轻者, 竭尽所能培育和提携他们. 而年轻者则必须尊重长辈, 绝不能因本身可能受教育程度比较高, 或能掌握现代的电脑科技等知识而看轻长辈.池田SGI会长也时常提醒年轻者: “不知报恩的人犹如畜生”.

能真诚欣赏和称赞别人也是一种美德. 这是出于对别人的真正了解, 尊重, 钦佩和珍惜之心, 不是虚伪或奉承做假.

人要获得别人的欣赏和赞扬, 本身要有实力和业绩的表现. 宇宙万物, 都需要经历一段长时间才形成, 如大河是由许多小河汇集才成大河, 高楼大厦也是由一砖一瓦而筑成的.

有的人喜欢显耀自己, 时而“标新立异”, 以让别人认为他很英明, 能干. 事实上, 这种虚娇和自傲, 有识者一望即知.

由于不实, 这种人往往思考欠缺周详, 得娇柔做作, 犯了错误也不敢承担, 试图掩饰和隐瞒, 说话也前后矛盾, 久而久之, 必被人识穿而失去信赖, 最后所得的是虚名. 为了要争取荣誉, 一边得花费心机, 采用种种手段,另一边又得掩饰自己的错误, 结果“心”无法安定, 始终被烦恼所纠缠着.

靠虚娇而得到的荣誉, 看似如彩虹般美丽, 但却如昙花一现, 乍间消失.

唯有脚踏实地, 默默努力耕耘而取得的扎实成果, 才会受人欣赏和称赞, 真正的荣誉才会由此建立起来.

处于越高职位的人, 越应慎防不被别人个人崇拜, 本身更不能自我制造让人崇拜的机会. 因为盲目地崇拜一个人是不好, 会成为潜伏在团对里的危机.

团对就像一个交响乐团, 在各部平等和充分地发挥, 紧密配合下, 才能演奏出美妙及和谐的乐章.

以“自我”为中心, 執著于“自我”的人, 很难会做到“放下”, 特别是名和权力. 然而, 能够“放下”的人, 才是真正能承担大事的人.

以上摘取于<<宇宙月刊2007/9>>的分享.


by 旭日の革

學會珍惜才懂寬恕

忘了在哪看到這些文字：“寬恕別人是不容易做到的，寬恕親人就更加困難。其實，寬恕與仇恨只是一念之差。若選擇前者，雙方皆可重生；若選擇後者，則會一世充滿怨懟。”

是啊！寬恕與仇恨只是一念之間。就如“幸福可以很容易，只要改變想法。”那樣，天堂與地獄亦是轉念間。

有些人與事，因被誤解、摩擦，而遭受不平待遇，滿腔忿懣無法釋懷，甚至怨恨，不想再見。

當我遇到這樣的人與事時，在下意識裡，希望腦中有塊橡皮擦可即時發揮效用，把不想記取的不愉快過往擦去。實際上，如梭的歲月也會漸漸的淡化局部記憶，而我已懂得選擇把不要的回憶放掉……

像我這種不夠圓滑、不懂得玩“變臉”的人，不習慣周旋於難相處和前面對你嬉笑，背後對你插刀的人之中，唯有採取“相見不如懷念”的方式，讓彼此有更廣闊的空間，更多的自由。
在看完韓劇《擁抱這分鐘》之後，我的內心更是充滿感慨和共鳴：只要懂得珍惜所擁有，只要騰出一點點胸襟，那麼，寬恕一個人真的不是那麼難。

《擁抱這分鐘》正是提倡珍惜現在、寬恕對方的愛情倫理故事。這包括了家庭恩怨和親情隔閡，詮釋出寬恕別人或親人的道理。尤其講述女主角婚前的任性莽行獲得父母原諒，一家人可融洽再享天倫。而男主角則因幼年時被母親遺棄，痛恨母親的冷酷無情，自己也伴著怨恨成長。後來妻子一句話點醒了他：“寬恕別人，也等於放過自己。”最後男主角終於體諒、寬恕了母親，把心中怨恨轉為無盡的愛，開始珍惜世上唯一的至親。

看戲非只為找娛樂尋消遣，而是要從中受益，比如一些戲中所談的人生哲學，我會嘗試領悟並實踐於生活中。

所以，誤解我或對不起我的人，今天我無法即刻原諒你，但明天我會嘗試寬恕你，因為我將比你更懂得珍惜每一天。

(光明日報/男左女右•文：陳金玉•2007.07.29）


by seanWON

炒饭前奏曲

男女之爱恨缠绵, 共谱炒饭前奏曲.

男女在唤起性欲的前奏, 个自都有大不同. 男人就像消防员, 见”火”即刻要扑灭它. 而女人就像刚起点的”火焰”一样, 需要一段时间让它越烧越猛. 通常, 这所谓的”炎热欲火”, 最终却被十万火急的消防员给浇灭了.

这是因为男女因生心理的反应有别. 若把男女比喻为机器, 男人是只有一个按钮的机器, 女人是则有多种大大小小的按钮, 需要一个接一个开启, 才能操作. 以两者相比, 男性就比较直截了当, 女性就比较难专注在情欲上的体验, 性欲会比较慢被挑起.

如果要唤起男性的性欲就比较容易, 挑摸他的性器官就行了. 但是, 挑动女人就的从她的身体外部而入, 包括抚摸她的头发, 手指, 脚等, 逐步再接触其敏感地带.

总结来说, 男人需要的是视觉刺激, 性能奏效如对方的反应, 多变化的方式, 新奇经验. 而女人需要的是浪漫气氛, 身心的亲密沟通, 附加天时, 地利, 人和的条件. 当男人和女人的性欲完全被挑起时, 一道美味的炒饭就完成了.

以上摘取于<<南洋商报>>的分享.


by 旭日の革

Real Love

Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A shallow person will only have shallow relationships. If you want to experience real love, it is important to first sincerely develop a strong self identity.

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True love is not about doing whatever the other person wants you to do or pretending you are something you're not. If some one genuinely loves you, they will not force you to do anything against you will nor embroil you in some dangerous activity.

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A guidance by Daisaku Ikeda, who is a President of Soka Gakkai International.


by 旭日の革